Therapists need to be seriously aware that narcissism is a very complex disorder that creates a lot of suffering, both to the person who has the disorder, and to those people who have to live with the disordered narcissistic behavior on a daily basis. So in order to maintain their illusion and protect their false self from any fluctuations of a disappointed ego-ideal, the narcissist demands that they receive perfect mirroring, stroking, and responses from their victims this attention is known as narcissistic supply. Narcissistic injury is any perceived threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth.

However, this pretense leaves the narcissist constantly guarding themselves from being “found out”, making them overly sensitive to narcissistic injury. One of those defenses is to develop a “False Self” which is a mask of behaviour that allows them to put on a show of being real in public. In order to protect themselves, they invest a lot of energy building up defenses. A disregard of the child’s basic needs disturbs their development of self-esteem and the ability to function effectively. Understanding Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) first requires an understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):ĭue to their own lack of receiving reasonably attuned care-giving as a child (whether it was being under protected or over protected), the narcissist does not develop the authentic “True Self” that is necessary for confident living. If you read any of the Support Forums for survivors of narcissistic abuse, you will constantly hear them say that their therapists did not understand the depth of suffering they had been subjected to, and that the term “narcissistic abuse” had rarely been mentioned to them.

Because most Irish psychotherapy courses do little or no training in this area, and the fact that little or nothing has been written in the medical literature regarding the victims of narcissistic abuse, it is my observation that, the majority of therapists, through no fault of their own, are ill equipped to work with clients with this syndrome. I have spoken to many other psychotherapists, and although they know of narcissism, none feel that they have been sufficiently trained for recognizing narcissistic behaviour and its effects on victims, let alone work with Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. Victims are more likely to present themselves in counselling or psychotherapy, not because they know that they may be suffering from NVS, but because they are not coping with their lives.

Her Sudden Groom by Rose Gordon